Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
