I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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