he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
