honey bunches of taint.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
