I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
