Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
