I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
