Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
time to smoke my breakfast
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
