It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
