Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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