I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
