24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
