ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Randomize
