I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
