so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize