my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'm at about main and main street
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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