what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
