come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
