Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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