Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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