I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
