The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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