It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
