my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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