It's like a parade of train wrecks.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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