Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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