you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
