She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
