Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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