:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm like, not good at living.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize