dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
So much Jack, so little girl.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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