You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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