Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
