there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
