How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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