so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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