I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize
