Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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