so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
