weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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