So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
