Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
