I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
