This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
