M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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