...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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