You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
