Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
