how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
it glows. i had to have it.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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