At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
