we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
