Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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