I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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