i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
