I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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