i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
