Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
