If that was your dad, he is hot
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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