so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
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