i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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