could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
