Sponge bath it is.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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