Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
